COMPLAINT ALLEGING VIOLATION OF U.C.C. § 2-201 AND SEEKING PRELIMINARY AND PERMANENT INJUNCTIVE RELIEF

By Nico M.

COMES NOW, the Plaintiff, through the undersigned counsel and unto this Honorable Court, most respectfully avers:

  1. That SRA. GLORIA MARTINEZ (“Plaintiff”) is a law-abiding U.S. Citizen of legal age and upstanding character.
  2. That, by virtue of contract of sale, MS. HELGA RAVENSBLOOD (“Defendant”) agreed to sell a small vial of luminescent green liquid (“the potion”) to Martinez for a consideration of USD 5,000.00 to be paid upon delivery.
  3. That the potion was advertised to engender in its drinker certain powers of seduction.
  4. That Ravensblood asked Martinez to meet her for the exchange at midnight on January 6th, 2023 in the “kitchen appliances” department of a shuttered retailer (“the SEARS.”)
  5. That Ravensblood assured Martinez that this was not illegal, arguing that the abandoned SEARS was scheduled for demolition and that therefore no valued property could be damaged.
  6. That Ravensblood was no less than twenty-two minutes tardy and did not apologize for making Martinez wait alone in the dark empty building.
  7. That Ravensblood proffered a vial filled with a liquid that was neither luminescent nor particularly green.
  8. That Ravensblood assured Martinez that “nothing looks the same in person as it does online” and that this was “the real deal for real, my sweet.”
  9. That when Martinez exchanged a manilla envelope of 250 twenty-dollar bills (“the cash”) for the vial, she acted under duress, feeling concern for her safety.
  10. That when Ravensblood came into possession of the cash, she cackled ominously, thrice repeated a cryptic rhyming couplet (“the price is paid, the contract sealed / soon the truth shall be revealed”), and vanished in a puff of purple smoke.
  11. That Martinez suffers from asthma and endured an episode of severe bronchospasms after inhaling the aforementioned purple smoke.
  12. That Martinez did nevertheless drink the potion in good faith.
  13. That the only effect of the potion was to cause a tattoo to gradually appear on Martinez’s forehead, in black gothic script, spelling the word “SUCKER.”

Nico M. writes stories in Minneapolis. Find some of them at X-R-A-Y, Pithead Chapel, Pembroke Magazine, and Apple Valley Review. He’s on Twitter @nicomontoya89.

Artwork by Lesley C. Weston (Pen, ink, watercolor, digital lettering and background)

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