By Jeffrey Hermann
1. Sticks
[Sniffing me after I’ve taken a walk outside.] Why do you smell like sticks?
2. That one shirt she hates
[After being driven home by a friend’s parents.] I don’t like driving in their car. It smells like that one shirt I hate.
3. Poland or something
[Walking through the kitchen.] I don’t know what you’re making for dinner but it smells like Poland or something.
4. Grandpa Joe
[After I asked her if she liked the new shampoo.] I guess it’s fine if you wanna smell like grandpa Joe.
5. Like a spoon shouldn’t smell
[About to eat a bowl of cereal.] Can I have a different spoon? I can’t use this one. It smells like a spoon shouldn’t smell.
6. The hole in the sink
[Getting up from the table to move away from me.] Ew. Your hands smell the way the hole in the sink smells.
7. Beets or beet juice
[Examining her salad for signs of beets, which she hates.] Wait. Did you put beets in my salad? Well, did you put beet juice in my salad?
8. A tunnel to hell
[Trying to get out of cleaning the bathroom.] I’ll do it later, when it doesn’t smell like a tunnel to hell.
9. Like what she imagines jury duty smells like
[At a crowded store at the mall.] Ugh, what is that? This store smells like what I imagine jury duty smells like.
10. Little boys’ hair
[Sitting on the couch, without looking away from the show she’s watching on television.] Can we get a new couch? This one smells like little boys’ hair.
11. The back row of math class
[Walking into the living room and announcing she has terrible news.] I washed my hair but it still smells like math class. But, like, the back row.
12. Like me when I relax on the couch with glasses of wine
[Exiting a haunted house.] That woman cutting up that person with a chainsaw smelled like you when you sit on the couch to relax with glasses of wine.
13. Party City
[About to leave for school, asking me to smell her shirt.] Mmm–do you smell that? My clothes smell like Party City today. I love when that happens.
Jeffrey Hermann’s work has appeared in Okay Donkey, Electric Lit, Passages North, Hobart, and other publications. His first full-length collection of prose poetry and flash fiction will be published by ELJ Editions in 2026. Though less publicized, he finds his work as a father and husband to be rewarding beyond measure.
MoonPark Review 