By Judy Slitt
What you lose when you leave the commune: Eagle’s pamphlet about what’s acceptable to put in the compost, a rainbow crochet shawl from the community bin that scratches your neck but you got attached to anyway, the taste of Rowan’s neck (salty), the taste of Theo’s neck (also salty), your cow friends (Rosemary, Louis, Tommy), your donkey friend (Hank), the worn path your cow friends take across the field (how do they know where to go?), the sound of cows gently pulling grass from the ground with their mouths, like when you tease out the knots in your hair, the whisper of the Blue Ridge Mountains in the distance, Edmund blowing the conch shell in the morning, your hens’ warm bellies as you reach under them to fetch their freshly-laid eggs, steam from your morning pee as you fertilize the plants with your urine, the patronizing lilt in your voice when you talk about “the mainstream”, the belief that you are saving the world, the belief that the world wants to be saved.
What you gain when you leave the commune: deodorant, your mom’s old Subaru, a drafty studio apartment in Richmond, a TV, a painting from Goodwill of a donkey in a field that reminds you of Hank, your brother’s smugness: “Time to grow up”, the freedom to buy as many goddamn peach rings as you want without worrying about the commune’s budget – you put them on your fingers and the sour makes you drool, graffiti on a brick wall outside your bedroom window: “Cops are pigs. Kill them”, a dog-sitting gig with a golden retriever named Betsy who knows you’re an outsider and feels sorry for you, guys on first dates looking you up and down – if you’re “alternative”, what else would you be okay with?, guilt that you care about things you shouldn’t care about and don’t care about the things you should, the knowledge that everyone is just trying their best, for what it’s worth. Even you.
Judy Slitt lives in Virginia. Her stories have appeared or are forthcoming in Bright Flash Literary Review, surely magazine, Cosmic Daffodil Journal, Moss Puppy Magazine, M E N A C E, Crow & Cross Keys, and BULL. Her website is judyslitt.com.
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